we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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