If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
