Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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