last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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