I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
