He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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