I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
