'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
