I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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