i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
