so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
