btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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