my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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