obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
