Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
