I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
