i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
