why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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