jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
