how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
