WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
