Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the raccoons are back...
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