He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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