I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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