Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
