Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
