You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
