i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
