you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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