I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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