The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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