Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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