there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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