dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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