He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
