Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
