I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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