My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
