High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
