your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
