Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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