Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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