yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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