YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
