i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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