My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
