I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
