Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
