I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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