I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
