Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
